Alter your parenting style during middle school years

When your child was in elementary school, you probably made most of the decisions about his life. You may have set rules about bedtime, when he could go out to play, and when he had to do his homework.

Now that your child is in middle school, he needs a less heavy-handed approach. Part of his job is to begin to assume control over his own life and responsibilities.

To help your child become more independent:

• Offer more privileges, but always tie them to responsibility. When your child acts responsibly (completing chores, doing homework on time, behaving respectfully), he should get more freedom. When he does not, he’ll have to forgo his “adult privileges” until he is ready.
• Offer more guidance, less direction. When your child has a problem, try not to say, “Do it this way.” Instead, say, “Have you considered this?”
• Continue to connect with your child. Yes, your child is growing into his own person. Yes, his friends are very important to him. But you are, too. Your child needs to know he has your love, care and respect. Show you value his newfound maturity by asking his opinion on grown-up topics, such as current events.

Reprinted with permission from the January 2005 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2004 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Gayle Peterson, “Adolescence—Yikes!” iVillage.com, www.parentsoup.com/experts/guests/qas/0,,166447_225520,00.html.

Try using a common-sense approach to discipline

When your child was little, you thought his headstrong streak was cute. But now that he’s in middle school? Not so much.

Raising a strong-willed preteen can be challenging. If you make it work at home, the results will show in how he behaves at school. The key is to use common sense in your approach to discipline. Here’s how:

• Be clear. Let your child know what’s expected of him—from how much TV he can watch to how clean his room should be.
• Focus on the positive. Instead of telling him what he can’t do, remind him of what he can do.
• Be consistent. When you do make rules, enforce them. If you don’t follow through, your child won’t take rules seriously.
• Offer choices. As much as possible, let your child take responsibility for his own behavior and actions. Don’t weigh him down with rules.
• Keep your cool. Try not to get angry when disciplining your child. Discipline is about teaching him right from wrong. It’s not about punishment.
• Criticize the behavior, not your child. “I’m upset that you forgot to clean the kitchen” is better than, “You always forget!”
• Focus on the big picture. Setting limits now will help your preteen throughout his life. Your efforts will pay off.

Reprinted with permission from the April 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Kathleen McCoy, Ph.D., “Disciplining Your Teen with Love and Common Sense,” ParentsPlace.com, www.tnpc.com/parentalk/adolescence/teens47.html.

Encourage your child to practice self-control

Self-control is an important skill for school success. Now that your child has taken a leap toward adulthood, re-emphasize this skill by:

• Modeling it. Keep your temper. Avoid acting on impulse.
• Teaching your child to tell himself, “Think first!”
• Reminding your child what a great thing he does by staying in control. “You should be proud of yourself.”

Reprinted with permission from the April 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Michelle Borba, Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing, ISBN: 0-7879-6226-0 (Jossey-Bass, 1-800-956-7739, www.josseybass.com).

 

Have your child use common sense about nutrition

Almost anywhere you go these days, you can find a book touting a new diet or hear people talking about one. If you and your child are confused about nutrition, you’re not alone.

The best path may be to follow your own path. Research has linked good nutrition to better school performance. Choose a nutrition plan that makes sense to you and your family. Here are some guidelines to consider:

• Give your mind and body fuel. Your child needs to eat every four hours. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains and low-fat dairy products are good snacks.
• Mix it up. Eating different fruits, vegetables, grains and proteins is a great way to get your body what it needs.
• Go easy on the treats. Sweets and fast food are fun to eat but don’t provide vitamins and minerals. Limit them to once a week.

Reprinted with permission from the April 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Sources: Barbara A. Lewis, What Do You Stand For? For Teens, A Guide to Building Character, ISBN: 1-57542-029-5 (Free Spirit Publishing, 1-800-735-7323, www.freespirit.com) and “Good Nutrition for Kids & Teens,” Child Development Institute, www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/health_safety/nutrition.shtml.

Parent Quiz: Are you helping your child manage time?

Take this quiz to see if you are helping your child use time efficiently. Answer yes to something you do often. Answer no to something you do rarely.

____1. I encourage my child to use scheduling tools.

____2. I encourage my child to make time for commitments before adding on more.

____3. I encourage my child to make plans for long projects. Example: Week one, research. Week two, first draft. Week three, final draft.

____4. I suggest strategies, like making a priority list.

____5. I suggest strategies, such as using a timer and checklists.

How did you do?

Mostly yes means you are helping your child use time wisely. Mostly no? Check the quiz for ideas.

Reprinted with permission from the April 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc.