Limits, monitoring can reduce risky behavior in your child

Does your child know the standards of behavior you expect from her? Does she have a clear understanding of your family’s values, and what your family considers right and wrong? Does she know you are keeping track of her?

If you can answer yes to all these questions, chances are that your child will not engage in risky behavior. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin found that teens were less likely to smoke, drink or have sexual relations when parents set clear expectations and then follow up.

This doesn’t mean watching your child’s every move as if you were a detective. It does mean letting your child know you are involved in keeping her safe.

Here are six expectations you can set—and then monitor—to lessen the chance that your child will engage in risky behavior:

1. I expect to know who you spend time with.
2. I expect you to call me if you will not be home on time.
3. I expect you to tell me where you are when you’re out.
4. I expect you to tell me what you’ll be doing when you’re out.
5. I expect you to let me know how much money you will be spending and where.
6. I expect to meet the parents of your friends.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Ruth Schriefer, “Teens and Parental Monitoring,” Parents Make A Difference! University of Wisconsin-Extension, www.uwex.edu/ces/cty/grant/tap/pdf/jan2003tapnews.pdf.

 

 

Remember that you still influence your child’s actions

Your child may not admit it, but she values your guidance. She needs you even more as she deals with the influence of peers. To help your child navigate this period in her life:

• Acknowledge that peers are important. Your child cares about what her friends do and say. You’ll get further with her if you respect this.
• Stress your family’s values, without getting “in her face.” Example: Your child makes a rude remark to you in front of her friend. It’s tempting to answer back, but that only makes your child embarrassed and resentful. Teach a stronger lesson by waiting for a private time to say, “I felt sad when you spoke to me so rudely. It’s hard to be polite all the time, but I choose words that respect you and I need the same from you.”
• Notice your child’s efforts. It’s not easy for your child to be nice to kids who aren’t in the “cool group” or to walk away from peer pressure. By doing so, she risks being different—thus, she risks being picked on. She needs you to point out (in private) how kind, brave and mature she is.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Nancy Samalin, Loving Without Spoiling: And 100 other timeless tips for raising terrific kids, ISBN: 0-8092-9551-2 (Contemporary Books, 1-800-262-4729, http://books.mcgraw-hill.com/contact.html).

 

 

A self-reliant child is often more prepared for success

Parents often feel guilty because they think they are not doing enough for their children. In reality, most parents are doing too much. It’s time to teach your child some life skills he will need later. He will learn responsibility and will feel capable and empowered. This carries over to all parts of his life, including school.

Some things to consider teaching your child:

• How to do laundry.
• How to prepare himself a healthy meal.
• Where household products are. If a light bulb burns out, or the bathroom tissue runs out, he should replenish this himself, not call for you.
• How to make his own appointments. Your child has probably been using the phone to call friends for a while now. He can easily call the barber to schedule an appointment or call the library to find out how late it is open.

Reprinted with permission from the March 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Rebecca R. Kahlenberg, “For Kids, Lessons in The School of Life,” The Washington Post, (The Washington Post Company, 1-800-477-4679, www.washingtonpost.com).