Motivate your middle schooler during the mid-year doldrums

It’s normal to fall into a rut once in a while, but you don’t want your child making a habit of it. If she seems frustrated about school lately—“Class is boring! What’s the point?”—she may need a little motivation to get back on track.

Here are some ideas you can try:

Help her watch her words. Does she often utter words such as can’t, won’t, never and no? Acknowledge her concern and respond with positive statements: “It sounds like social studies is a challenge. You can do well—and will do well—when you study hard.”
Encourage her to set goals. She may be unmotivated because the school year seems so long. She can’t focus on something so far in the future.
Help her break down her studies into shorter segments so she can see her progress. For instance, instead of having her focus on getting an A in social studies this semester, have her concentrate on doing well on Thursday’s quiz.
Shift the spotlight away from her. Encourage her to help others. From tutoring a younger sibling to volunteering in the community, lending a helping hand can be very motivating.

Reprinted with permission from the February 2005 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2005 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: John Bishop, “Top 10 Ways to Motivate Students,” NCSC News, www.ncsc.info/newsletter/jun2004/motivate.htm.

Use Specific Expectations to Motivate Your Middle Schooler

Your child’s best chances for success happen when expectations are clear and specific. That way, she is more likely to know exactly what to do and she is less likely to disappoint you.
Your child may not admit it at this age, but she still wants to please you. Doing so motivates her. Disappointing you discourages her and may cause her to stop trying to learn.

So avoid general statements such as, “You need to do better in school.” Your child is left thinking, “How am I supposed to do that?” Instead, simply tell her. “This quarter, let’s agree that you will work an extra 10 minutes a night on math. And I’ll give you a practice quiz every Thursday. I believe you can do it, and I’m here to support you.”

Source: Don Fontenelle, Ph.D., Keys to Parenting Your Teenager, 2000 (Barron’s Educational Series, Inc., 250 Wireless Boulevard, Hauppauge, NY 11788, 1-800-645-3476), ISBN: 0-7641-1290-2, paperback, 215 pp., $7.95.
(Reprinted with permission from the April 2004 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2004 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc.)

Don’t let your child develop ‘learned helplessness’

A child who has had several failures in a row is at risk of refusing to even try a new or slightly challenging task. This is called “learned helplessness”—in which a child’s first decision is not to start the task, or even look at the task, but to avoid the task because it will be impossible for her.

This is devastating for a child. Here are some things you can to do help your child guard against learned helplessness:

Focus on the positive. This includes trying your best and making improvements.
Do easier work first. Students are often told to do harder work first, to get it out of the way. But a child can gain self-confidence by finishing an easy task.
Help your child find which way she learns best. Does she need to move around? Does making pictures or graphs help? Does it help to record herself reading and play it back?
Watch what you say. Sarcasm or labels such as “lazy” never help. But they may hurt—a lot.
Be careful with rewards. Most of the time, your child’s reward should be the feeling she has done her best. Treat your child once in awhile, but save it for when she put in top effort.

Reprinted with permission from the January 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: “Motivation: One of the Keys to Academic Success,” Learning Times, LDA Learning Center, www.ldaminnesota.org/news/news_pdfs/LDA_Newsletter_2.pdf.