Questions & Answers

Q: My child doesn’t want to attend holiday events with us anymore. I know she needs her independence, but how can I show her that family outings are still important?

A: Participation in holiday rituals can lead to cherished memories. You want your daughter to participate, but recognize that it’s normal for her to want to do her own thing. The solution is compromise. Here’s how to find some common ground:

• Talk with her. Find out which events she really does not want to attend, and why. Is she frustrated because she keeps getting lumped in with the little kids?
• Decide together which of her objections are reasonable. Not wanting to forfeit two hours on a school night isn’t outrageous, especially if she has a lot of homework. Likewise, it’s understandable that she might dread the holiday gift exchange if no one there seems to recognize that she’s becoming a young woman.
• Make some compromises. If your family’s traditional holiday meal is too meaningful for her to miss, honor her feelings about being “treated like a baby.” See if you can arrange for her to sit with the adults rather than at the kids’ table.

—Holly Smith, The Parent Institute. Reprinted with permission from the December 2004 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2004 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS